the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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