Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
