let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
