Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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