I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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