Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
