Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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