your parents love me but you hate me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
