SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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