I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
