is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
