Are we in a gay sports bar?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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