her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
