So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
