wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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