i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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