my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Randomize
