smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everclear isn't food dammit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
