in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
