There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
