Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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