its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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