i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
