So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
