I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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