Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
