I just threw up on my dentist
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
