In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
