Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
