I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
