I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
