I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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