I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
