I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
