she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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