any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
