You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
