I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
