I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
