I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
