Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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