i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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