Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
