Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
