He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
