I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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