somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
