giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
