I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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