ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
