she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize