i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
