All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
