So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
