so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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